what I learned from Anne and Jo

I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it.

-Anne of Avonlea

Growing up, some of my favorite movies included girls with adventurous spirits. Jo March. Anne Shirley. They leave home on some grand adventure, inspired by the stories they discovered in books. While there, they have lots of experiences that challenge them in new and different ways. They meet people they love. People whose lives they impact and vice versa. They experience fun and exciting things.

I always wanted to be like them. To go somewhere new. See the world. See the places I read about in books and saw in movies. Now I am like them. In more ways than one.

You see, while Jo and Anne were off on there adventures, they missed home. The people and places that shaped them. They discovered that it's not the places you go, but what you do while you are there. You don't have to go to far away, exciting places to be fulfilled. You simply go where your heart leads you. Sometimes your heart leads you home.

Does this mean I will be home forever? Probably not. My restless, adventurous spirit will be ready to go again shortly after getting home. But now I know that it's okay call the Carolinas home.

"Another sunny day in California. I'm sure back home they'd love to see it. But they don't know that what you love is ripped away. Before you get a chance to feel it "

-Back Home, Yellowcard

at a loss for words

I haven't posted in a while. Mostly because I haven't known exactly how to explain where I've been the last few weeks. A combination of homesickness and frustration with the lack of seeing results has gotten me down. Being a part of ministry where the fruit will not be evident until later is hard. And doing it without my support system and ways of coping has left me in a place that i have to fight my way out of regularly. i have found myself depending on God in new ways, on a deeper level.

its been hard.

"Things are going to change-- that is there nature. One day you succeed, one day you fail; one day you are at the top, another day you are at the bottom. But something in you is always exactly the same, and that something in you is your reality." -Osho

He is my reality. The only thing that will not ever change. Bad day. Amazing day. On the mountaintop. In the valley. He was. And is. And is to come. Always.

"Those who look to Him are radiant with JOY." Ps. 34:5

My prayer is that JOY will rise above how I feel.

PS: good news!!! I will be serving as the MFuge Developmental Director at University of the Cumberlands next summer!!!

contentment

It's been 7 weeks.  I've learned a lot.  A lot about myself, what I want my life to look like, and some areas I need to improve in.  I've also grown more confident in who I am.  Things are still hard.  I still miss home.  I am still stressed and not as confident as I need to be sometimes, but I am getting there.  And I am learning to live in the moment, not focusing so much on what's next but simply enjoying where God has me NOW.

Here are somethings I love about Tahoe:

• There is a legit hiking trail a quarter of a mile from where I live.  Where else I am gonna get that?  
• We have encountered some of the strangest people in the world.  For example, the drunk man a few of us passed hiking on Thursday.  (don't worry, he was harmless) He rambled on about how beautiful Tahoe is and about how he has an angel protecting him.  
• The lake is beautiful.  
• The weather is great.  It feels like early winter here.  (the high is 39 for Sunday and it's supposed to snow!)

Most of all, it is a wonderful mission field.  I get to interact everyday with children and parents who do not know Christ.  I get to tell kids everyday that God loves them and takes care of them.  Despite my frustrations, this is a great ministry.  And I am glad to be apart of it, if only for a short time.

What I need:

• pray for opportunities.  pray that simple conversations with parents as they pick up there kids would turn into real conversations.
• pray for continued growth and strength.

i don't understand

wow.

it's been a long, tough two weeks.

before I share the tough stuff, here's the good stuff.

-I hiked the Flume Trail.  It was a total of 15 miles, and I got some beautiful views.

-I've gotten to know the girls I am working with really well.  Considering we work and live with each other, we are getting along quite well.

-I've gotten to know my kids more.  They are a blessing to hang out with for about an hour everyday.  One day I will remember to take pictures of them, so I can share their precious faces with you.

On the other hand...

It's been hard.  I don't want to go into the details, but there are some aspects of this job that I am really struggling with.  I've really been struggling with why God has me here.  I'm sure there are other people who are much more qualified for this job, who would fit in much better in this environment.  

God sees the whole picture.  When you don't understand--God has a plan!

This is a paraphrase of something said in a sermon at a church in Reno that I visited tonight.  Even though this is tough and I don't like some things about the job, God is teaching me something.  I may not figure it out for a while, but He is preparing me for something.

Wanna help me out?  You can pray for...

...love and grace in the tough situations.  

...confidence when I don't feel any.

...my kids to understand the things God teaches them through me. 

...me to focus on being all here. 

my little babies

Well...

they're not so little.  they are 3-6 graders.  and they keep me on my toes.  several are new christians.  several of those say kids have some tough lives.  

daughter of a single mom.  dad's not around.  just started middle school. low self-esteem.  but a precious girl with a servant's heart and a gossip's mouth.  lots of teaching to do here.

cute fifth grade boy who's a little girl crazy.  adorable but he has very little self-confidence.  and he has a temper.

talkative fifth grade boy who often takes a back seat to his older brother who has bi-polar disorder.  I'm gonna have some fun quotes from this kid.  for example: when we were playing two truths and a lie today, he stopped and with genuine concern asked "isn't this breaking one of God's ten commandments?"  love this kid.

there are more, but these are the three who I am the most burdened for at the moment.  

please join me in praying for them.  

so it begins

One full in week in Tahoe under my wing.  For those of you just catching wind of what I am up to this fall, here is the short version: 

I am a semester missionary with NAMB at FBC Tahoe City, CA.  Specifically I am teaching 3-6 graders a Bible story everyday and helping them with their homework.  I am also running errands and doing whatever else I am told.

Here are my initial impressions:

• it's beautiful here. 
•  
• i'm going to be working hard.
• the girls i'm working with are pretty cool.
• the kids i'm teaching are going to be fun and challenging. 

It's been an emotional roller coaster this week.  Between the time change, the information overload of orientation, and the meeting lots of new people, I've gotten distracted by my fears and inadequacies.  But Jesus took a simple message at church today to get my attention.  

After Jesus fed over 5,000 people, he went off alone while the disciples chilled on a boat.  In the middle of the night, the disciples look up and see someone walking toward them.  Naturally, they freak out.  But Jesus tells them to calm down... it's only him.  Peter with his bold spirit, asks to walk out there to him.  Jesus says come and Peter hops out of the boat.  He walks a bit then notices the wind and waves.  He takes his eyes off Jesus.  He gets scared and starts to sink.  Jesus simply reaches out and picks him up, only questioning why Peter doubted.

I'm a lot like Peter here.  I have the courage to jump out of the boat, but I start to freak out once I'm in the situation.  For example, I had the courage to get on the plane to come here, but now that I'm in the middle of it, I am giving into my fears.  The last few days, I have taken my eyes off Jesus.  I've only focused on my inadequacies.  I've never taught this age group.  I'm expected to outgoing all the time.  I'm the only introvert on this team.  I've quickly forgotten how many times Jesus has worked through me to overcome similar problems.  My God is powerful.  And faithful.  He will work when we are faithful to serve Him.

Debbie (one of my bosses) said something really cool earlier this week: 

"When Jesus and I walk into a room together, we can make a difference."

It's is my prayer that this statement will be true of my life.  Not only here, but for the rest of my life.

For those of you who liked to pray for me, here is how you can do that:

keep the above mentioned fears in mind.  I will continue to battle them daily.

continued focus.  that I will keep my eyes on Jesus.

I will keep you posted.